dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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