She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
