I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
