all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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