Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize