i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
