he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
