I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
