Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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