Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have fence marks all over my body
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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