i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
