I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
