all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My balls are so social today.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
