Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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