Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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