What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
