dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
