How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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