I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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