JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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