I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
