I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
