all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
