Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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