So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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