Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize