he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
