Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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