k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Pants are for mortals
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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