Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
