why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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