I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize