There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
