Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.

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(248): View more from Michigan

i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping

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(410): View more from Maryland

I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."

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(803): View more from South Carolina

High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.

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(352): View more from Florida

He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.

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