I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
