I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
