Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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