I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just found puke in my bra..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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