Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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