I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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