Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize