I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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