I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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