So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize