Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
