Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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