if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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