I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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