i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
