did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
