I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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