I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
