Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
