It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
