im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just had sex on a roof
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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