dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
