My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
