Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
