My room smells like vodka and shame
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
