**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
