am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just invented taco cereal.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
