dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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