Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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