if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
