Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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