What a fucking waste of an outfit
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
