cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
