i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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