Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
