Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
