dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
