I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize