Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
