Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
