You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
