Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
