shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
