I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize
