Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
