I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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