No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
