All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
