You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize