He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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