would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
