And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
