ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
