Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize