They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
