I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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