A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
