Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
