Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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