Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
