I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
