And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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