What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
