did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
