In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
