atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the day after is always just damage control
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
