I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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