Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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