She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
